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Mission Mouse

Bailey, God's Precious Gift

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For anyone who doesn't know me, yes, this is a story about my dog, Bailey. I truly believe that God sent Bailey to me and for the rest of my life, and then beyond I will be forever grateful for God's special gift.

 

 

Seriously my life has never been the same since Bailey went to Heaven. Don't misunderstand me, for I love Jake dearly, just in a different way.

I am different and as a child that was hell to go through---being different I mean. All you want to do is to fit in and I just didn't fit in, anywhere.

I still struggle with those feelings of not fitting in, Bailey never loved me any less because I am so different. He never made fun of me, never called me names or abandoned me. I can honestly say that I never before understood the concept of unconditional love until Bailey came into our lives. He taught me that.

All my life I have been introduced as the "adopted daughter". It seemed to me that my family wanted everyone to know I really wasn't theirs, that I really didn't belong in that family. It is very difficult to deal with always being an outsider, no matter where I go, for that is how I grew up, as an outsider. No one in my family ever realised or cared that by treating me like that, it made me develop emotional problems. All that did was to reinforce their belief that I was defective.  No one cared that I was severely depressed or ever got me any help. I have attemped sucicide three times in my life and my family's solution to those attempts was to distance themselves, and eventually cut me out of their lives.

I shamed my father by trying suicide and he never let me forget that, and I do mean NEVER! He also knew that I was being horrificably abused when I was a child, and not once did he ever take steps to stop it or protect me from it.

 

Dave was the one who found Bailey and Dave was the one who wanted Bailey. I didn't. I had already gone through the pain of losing a much loved dog when I was 14, and I didn't want to ever go through that again. I was 38 when Bailey came into our lives.  I gave in with the conditions that Dave had to be completely responsible for Bailey. I honestly thought I could keep my distance and protect my heart. It never ever occured to me that our Lord and Saviour had different plans, that Bailey was being sent to me to heal my soul.

For all the hell that I'd  had to endure so far in my life, God sent me Bailey. I never once saw how Bailey was slowly breaking down the wall I had so carefully built around myself, he was so subtle. Then I got pneumonia and the walls came crashing down. Bailey only left my side to eat and go to the bathroom. He wouldn't even play with Dave. That blessed dog, who did not like to be picked up, carried around, smothered with affection....laid as close to me as possible and let me wrap my arms around him as I struggled for every breath. For the first time in my life I wanted to live, really live, not just go through the motions. I wanted to be the best mom a dog ever had, I wanted to be the best wife to Dave that I could be. I wanted God to forgive me for thinking that He had abandoned me and didn't love me.

I had only met my best friend Pauline a couple of years before the pneumonia, but now I wanted to be the kind of friend to her that God wanted me to be.

 

When God called Bailey home, I experienced a pain and grief so incredibly raw and overwhelming I thought it would never end. I wanted so desperately to be with Bailey, for God to call me home. I prayed so hard for that to happen....and then one night I had a dream. Jesus was walking with Bailey and Bailey was happy and restored to perfect health. It was wrong for me to ask to be called home to Heaven, Dave needed me, Jake needed me, the cats needed me. I needed to honour Bailey's memory by continuing to be the best mom to my animal babies,  the best wife to my husband, and the best friend to Pauline, that I am capable of being.

It has not been the easiest thing I have ever done in my life....I miss Bailey EVERY SINGLE DAY. I still cry over him, I still feel that horrible pain of loss. Time does not heal all wounds, but it does make them a tad bit easier to bear.

Bailey was God's gift to me that healed me and for that I will be forever grateful to have had Bailey in my life. I will do my best to make Bailey proud of me and on the day we are reunited, my tears will be joyfull ones.

 

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Thank you, Karen! :icon_hug:

 

Why don't you include a picture of Bailey?

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